Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
