Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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