Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's blow job season.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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