The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
