i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
