I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
