Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
