made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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