I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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