dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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