Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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