sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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