sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
