Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
