I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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