So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
