sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
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Why is your signature on my underwear?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
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I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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