Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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