just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I AM VODKA MAN
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
