At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
