Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
it was like eating out sand paper
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
