IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
