just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
