I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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