We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
