smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
