I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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