WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
