I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
