oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
