drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
