I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
