why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
