meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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