No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
