then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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