Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
