her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
