Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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