every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
