Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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