i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
