YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
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