Got a toothbrush?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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