I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
