How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
