You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
