I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
