Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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