How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
