He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
