there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We are all done wearing pants today
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
