I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
