dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
