I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
