I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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