forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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