You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
