My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
