I showed him my bush... on skype.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
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Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
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There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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