Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
