Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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