Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
