apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
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When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
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just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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