you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
